Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 19 (script)
The following is unedited from the original document except for formatting. Lines may have been rewritten during recording and/or editing. Script *Open with shot of the Hinata house* Narrator: It was the morning after the universe was reset, and Fuyuki was doing some organizing. Fuyuki: So what was the meeting for, Sarge? Keroro: *Casual* Oh you know, mission briefing, that kinda thing. *Keroro is sitting in a block shape* Narrator: And Keroro was learning what it's like to be a literal piece of shit. Keroro: *Deadpan, slightly low* Giroro wasn’t happy about it… *Cheerful* But hey! Once I get the feeling back in my everything, we’re gonna go see Dororo’s mom! Who’s also my mom! Fuyuki: She doesn’t remember you, does she? Keroro: EEEEee~! Narrator: Yes, everything was looking up for the Keroro Platoon, which is your cue to grab something to eat and watch it shit itself inside out. Announcer: The train inbound from Keron will arrive in five minutes. For our Ethiopian travelers, click click pop snap click click five minutes. Dororo: Here we go guys. We’ll all get to be untraumatized together. Giroro: All part of the healing process, babe. Just remember to breathe when we get back in space. Tamama: Do you remember what she’s like, Sarge? Keroro: *To himself* Oh man, let’s see if I can remember… *Flashback to Mom headbanging to Dillinger Escape Plan, cuts back after a few seconds* Keroro: *Matter-of-fact* Well she had a chronic headache. Giroro: And now so do I. Dororo: Sorry! Keroro: *Serious* I just hope when she sees how I’ve grown into such a handsome former mass murderer, she will accept me back into her family. Tamama: Your ego keeps me warm at night. Dororo: They keep me warm! Sorry I didn’t hear what you said. Announcer: The train inbound from Keron has been delayed by unforeseen circumstances. It’s going in a completely different direction. Also, if there is a Mr. Do-rah-ro on the platform, you have an emergency message from your father: “Ha-ha-ha, hiss ha-ha, I did your mom ha-ha-hordes, typo.” Dororo: What?! …VIPER…! Raiden: *Over intercom* DUN, DUN, DUUU- *Cuts to ships chasing train* Kululu: My hacking of the train controls have failed. Something is interfering with my signal, and I don't give enough of a fuck to figure out what. Keroro: Alright Platoon- Dororo, what the fuck. Dororo: *Freaking out* GUYS, I REALLY DON’T HAVE IT IN ME TO SEE MY PARENTS. Giroro: Oh my god. Dororo: I NEVER TOLD HER I GOT MARRIED; I NEVER TOLD HER I WENT IN THE MILITARY; I NEVER TOLD HER I LEFT! Giroro: She’d figure it out, wouldn’t she? Dororo: YOU DON’T KNOW HER LIKE I DO. *Singing “What a Way to Go” in background nearly incoherently* Keroro: *To Kululu* Now listen here, Mustard Brown! Get us as close to that train as you can, because I need to impress my mom before she dies, damnit! Kululu: It's Buster Brown- ah fuck it... *Cut to them entering the train* Keroro: *Hums the Pink Panther theme* Du-dun. Du-dun… *etc* Raiden: Sneaking music! *Gets hit with spinning revolver* OW! *Metal Gear alarm* Ocelot: Ha! You’re mine! Keroro: WAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! Tamama: WAAAAAAAAAAAGH! *Snake, Raiden and Ocelot run across the bottom of the screen* Giroro: Spoiler alert: I’m not helping! Retreat! Keroro: No! I have to face it to be awesome! *Cut to Kululu, gunfire is heard over intercom* Kululu: Sounds like Viper screwed their system up good. *Surprised* Wait a second…that’s a Keronian signal… *Cut to wall, Ocelot pops up* Ocelot: Shit, I lost them! *Gets hit in face with paper wad, whiny* Fwwaaaaagh! *Leaves* Keroro: Well we got past the guns. Now how do we proceed? Giroro: Forward through the train? Keroro: No, no, it can’t be that easy. Giroro: It is that easy. It’s a train. They’re long tubes. Keroro: That’s what they’d like you to think! Giroro: Who?! Keroro: The train police? Kululu: Guys, not to interrupt this stupid conversation, but there are Keronian and Viper life signals up ahead. Dororo: Oh no, please don’t be my parents please don’t be my parents please don’t- Mom: Ziggy?! Dororo: Ugh…mmmMom! That was not a groan of anguish! Mom: Hello dear! What was it you’ve been doing? Law school or something? Dororo: I’m a ninja, mom. Mom: Does that pay bills or what? Tamama: *Whispering* Go on Sarge, say hi! Keroro: *Bashful* Uhh, heheh… hi ma’am. I’m your son, and this is my polite voice. You impressed? I know I am! Mom: *Gasp* Keroro! Is it really you? Dororo: *Wigging out* Oh my FUCKING GOD she remembers his name…!!! Keroro: *Dramatic* Yes mother, I’ve returned to you to ask for my place back in your family. And to forgive you for never coming to my baseball games I never had. So let’er rip. Mom: I never even realized you were my long lost son! I did a lot of drugs in those days. And now. But back then, too. Keroro: *Awkward* Ah! Good to know I was a crack baby. *Giroro notices Viper* Giroro: There he is! *Jumps up, points gun* Thought you could just sit there politely, huh?! Well listen up, DAD- wait a minute… Viperess: Is that anyway to greet your grandmother-in-law? Giroro: *Slightly freaked out* Grand- mother-?! Well I already threatened you, so I’m sticking to it! Dororo: *Quickly* Guys, I think there’s something outside away from my mom; I’m gonna go check it out. *Jumps out* Keroro: Wait a minute Dororo! Refresh my memory of things our mom likes! Announcer: Refreshments requested! Keroro, Giroro, Mom: Refreshments? Tamama: Click pop squeaky? Robot: O beverage-beverage-beverage, You wanna have a beverage, I hope you want a beverage, ‘Cause here’s a diet beverage. *In the background* O beverage-beverage-beverage, click click pop whistle beverage, have a racist beverage, it’s the best kind of beverage. Tamama: Those party carts seem rather pushy… Robots: PARTY! Keroro: *Commanding* Alright, back it up Party Carts! Robots: PARTY! Robot in back: Woo-oooh. Keroro: Or I’m gonna make Giroro teach you a lesson! *Running in to robots* Robot: When it’s time to beverage, we will beverage hard. *CRASH* *”Party Hard” kicks in, cuts to Dororo cutting the ticket robot* Robot: You don’t have a license to paaartyyyyy… *Sparkler comes out of its head* Viper: I am surprised to see that you have made it this far. Dororo: There you are… Viper: But this is the end of the line...detective.... Dororo: …I'm your son. Viper: Your partner said that too! Dororo: Dad… Viper: Before I blew him up. Dororo: We’re the only frogs! Viper: And made him swallow his legs. Airline food, huh? We’re blowing up a plane with it. That’ll be funny. Dororo: Dad, I think you’ve been breathing too much space air. Viper: Can we please go inside?! *Cut to Giroro holding back a door while it’s being knocked* Giroro: Urgh, Kululu! *Knock* Where do we go from here?! *Knock knock* Kululu *over intercom, sarcastic*: Well seeing as a train is a tube… Keroro: *Mouth half full of food* Alright, don't just stand there! Help me think of something leader-y to do? Giroro: What are you doing? Keroro: *Mouth half full* I'm binge eating, okay?! Try to be more sensitive to my feelings, om nom! Poyon: *Cheerful and exuberant* Don’t worry! I’ll show you the way! *Appearance flourish* Space detective Poyon, at your service! Keroro: *Mouth half full, cocky* Oh my god, don’t you just look the dumbest, omyomyom! Tamama: Show us the way, tacky bitch! Giroro: I like your boobs…They’re pretty cool. Poyon: *Annoyed disbelief* It’s you guys… Robots: I HOPE YOUR BOOBS WANT A BEVERAGE! *Slice, slice, slice* Robot: Pour me ooon theee roooocksss… Giroro: What- the- hell- how long have you been able to do that?! Mom: Long enough to know you boys can’t take yourselves. Just wait until Viper hears about this. Giroro: What? I thought he was behind all this. Mom: That big softy? He wouldn’t hurt a fly. Unless it had money. *Cut to Viper* Viper: Huaaaaagh! Dororo: Dad, just tell me what you did to the train so I can put you out of your misery. Viper: What I did? This wasn’t me- I can’t hack a train. In fact, I was just heading to the conductor’s to see what happened. Dororo: Aren’t you delirious? Viper: Aren’t you gullible? *Slightly chuckling* Guh- come on! *Cut to Viper shooting out the door* Viper: Hands up or I’ll choo choo shoot you! …Wait, where is he…? Dororo: Um, shouldn’t there be someone flying the train? Shurara *Over intercom*: How about that? The neophyte isn’t stupid after all. *Shurara symbol appears on monitor* Shurara: Greetings, family Viper. Do you hear my voice? Good, then that means the speakers are working. Go me. Dororo: I assume you’re the one behind this? Shurara: Oh, it wasn’t my ass. But yes, I did. And I’m glad you and the whole Keroro Platoon came to investigate, seeing as I’ve rigged the whole train to explode. That simplifies things. Viper and Dororo: What?! Grandpa: Not on my watch, sister! Shurara: What the- they’re offline! How did you do that? Grandpa: With a dollar. Viper: Wait, DAD?! Dororo: *Excited* Grandpa! Grandpa: That’s right: I have been on the train so long that I’ve become the train! Such is the circle of life. Shurara: Rrrrr…once I figure out how the fuck that’s even possible, the Shurara Corps are coming for you personally! Two at a time! In even intervals! Mekeke: Sir, that puts us at a tactical disadvantage. Shurara: Oh, well then ignore my threat, but fear it. Mekeke: Alright, I’m hanging up the call now. Giroro: Hey! Get away from your son, my father-in-law! Dororo: No! Honey, please don’t complicate things! Viperess: Viper! Viper: Son! Keroro: SON?! What the hell is wrong with your family?! Viper: It’s a big family reunion! Bastard sons…mom son…dad train… Keroro: You know what- I don’t want in your family anymore! Poyon: Family may be weird, sir, but it’s family all the same. Giroro: Who the hell are you? Dororo: Ugh… The Shurara Corps…? *Credits* *Post Credits 1 – Poyon* Giroro: *To the tune of “Part of Your World* Look at your boobs/Aren’t they neat/Aren’t you glad/That your life is complete/When I look in my pants/I wish I didn’t have/Anything/’Cause I’ve got gadgets and gizmos apenis/I’ve got all these man parts but what for/I’ve had this thingamabob since I was 20/But who cares/No big deal/I’m a whooooooore! Announcer: Whores requested! *Post-Credits 2* Shurara: Do you think they feared it? Mekeke: Theyyyy were quaking in their metaphorical boots. Shurara: Neophyte! I don’t even know what that means! I just know when I read it, it gave me goosebumps. Mekeke: My goose was thoroughly bumped. Shurara: *Fast* Nnnnnnget back to kneeling and stop looking at me. Mekeke: Oh, sorry. Shurara: Right, Mekeke. You and Putata shall lead the charge against the Keroro Platoon. Mekeke: No prisoners, sir? Shurara: None. After what Keroro’s done to me, I owe them no quarter. Mekeke: Or dime? Shurara: Shit, let me check my wallet. *Shuffling in a wallet* Eh, you and Putata move out tomorrow. I’ll get back to you on the dime thing… *Pause* Shurara: *Sigh* Ugh…This job’s too hard. I need to stop sucking. Category:Episode Scripts